You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
