I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If its not for food we ain't going out.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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