At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
