You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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