why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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