Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
