The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
