well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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