ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
