U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
