just come out here and I will go home with you...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
