I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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