I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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