not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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