If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize