My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
