There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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