i'm signing you up for texting rehab
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
