wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
