So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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