I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
