I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
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