i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
