Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
