The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize