Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
