birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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