i just had sex bonerless
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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