Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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