2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
