ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
