idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Randomize
