its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
