Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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