Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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