I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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