I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
