Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
