Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
