I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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