I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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