Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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