The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
