no. you can't hotbox the world.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
