ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
