I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
