shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
