i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
