I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
