i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
