Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
