I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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