Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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