my sisters under your porch take her home
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize