I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
