am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
