everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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