My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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